I’m like a kid at Christmas when something from Amazon arrives. I tear into the box to get that thing I’ve been waiting an excruciatingly long 24 hours to receive. I have a knife to get into the box, but here’s a small list of other things I’ve seen people use to open boxes.
10. The Butter Knife
When the kitchen gremlins have stolen all the sharp knives, and the kids took the sissors and didn’t return them, there’s always a butter knife or two, but be warned, you might be better off just punching the box until it opens (provided you didn’t just purchase a Swarovski Crystal Swan for your mistress).
The butter knife is best used when slicing through the tape that holds the top flaps and the side of the box, but it’s probably not a slice you’re going to get. More like a wrist-spraining tear that ends with the knife flying out of your hand and breaking the lamp behind you.
9. A Nail or Screw, Found Laying on your Workshop Floor
You’re either too lazy or too excited to look around your messy workbench for a proper blade. You look down on the floor and spy a nail from your last botched cabinet project. You swoop down and pick it up, which is actually farther away from you than the drawers on your bench that might have at least a single edged razor blade.
The nail really doesn’t do the job better than the butter knife, but it has a bigger disadvantage: it’s a lot smaller than the butter knife and you probably will end up dropping it. It’ll go skittering under your workbench, to be lost to the sawdust of time.
In sheer frustration, you just punch the box and get the prize out, which you probably should have done in the first place.
Opening an Amazon Box with your keys is pretty common. People do it all the time. It doesn’t look pretty, but it works and is work-place acceptable.
7. Your Wife’s Metal Nail File
She left it on the coffee table after a full night of back-to-back episodes of NCIS. It’s there. You’re gonna use it. What you don’t think about as you’re tearing into your box is that she’s gonna know. She’s going to look at the file on the coffee table, and just know what you did.
You’re in for it now, Not only are you going to have to replace her $15 nail file because wives never forget and they certaintly never forgive, but you’re also going to have to get her a whole bunch of other things because she doesn’t want a nail file that doesn’t match the rest of her tools.
In the end, you decide that it’s a bittersweet win because you got into your box without any hassles from the packing tape.
6. Your Nail
I know you’re going to try this one. Everyone gets lazy once in a while. Your going to try plunging your poor nail into the seam of the box and guess what? Your going to bend the dickens out of your nail, probably break it in the process and you won’t get more than a 1 inch slice in the packing tape.
Yet, you’re going to be hard-headed and continue trying to break into the package like it was Fort Knox.
It’s going to take you longer to get into that box of goodies than doing it the right way from the start.
5. A paperclip
Mostly attempted at the office, and when there’s nothing else easily within reach. Are you kidding me? It works maybe 5% of the time. For the most part, you end up with a bunch of small punctures in the box top, and you’re looking for something else to open the box with anyway.
4. A Pen
This is pretty standard too. Some pens work. Others don’t. It’s kind of a hit-or-miss solution.
3. Nail Clippers
Again, not the best, and usually used because they’re just lying there. Most of the time, they’ll get you in, but you’re going to try using the back of the clippers first because to your untrained eye, it loosely resembles a cutting edge. Trust me. Accuracy for box opening is like 5%.
Next, you’re going to flip it over and try the clipper edge. This will get you started, but you’re going to have to finish the deed by tearing into the box anyway.
Most rulers will work, and again, you might have seen someone guilty of this abomination in your office. They just plunge the ruler’s edge into the box and tear away.
1. A P38 Can Opener
If you’re a man. A Man’s Man, then you have a P38 can opener on your keychain. Besides for opening all your canned tuna and chicken during lunch break, it’s also your discreet go-to peice for opening Amazon Boxes.
The P38 Can Opener works every. single. time. No fuss. No Mess… And apparently, TSA has no issues with them as mine’s gone with me in my backpack numerous times.
The Correct Answer:
Get yourself a darn knife. It can be a small Swiss Army Knife. It could be an expensive Zero Tolerance 0223 you paid $300 for. A knife is one of those tools that everyone should have. Even a box knife works. It doesn’t have to be fancy, but just get one if you don’t already have one in your pocket.